Starting Over and Unsure Where to Start? Try here first.
Finances aside, everybody's starting over is going to be different, but I do think there are a few common denominators in every divorce, or even break up for that matter. And, often times when we are feeling stressed and overwhelmed it's a key indication we need to slow down, get quiet, and listen to our inner voice. Now is the time to cultivate a relationship with yourself, this could be the start of quite the journey of self discovery - if you let it.
"Use your pain as rocket fuel to your next level of self."- Mark Groves <~ he seriously is da’ 💣
Feel your feelings, like actually feel them. All the pain, grief, anger, shame.... all of it! Emotions are energy in motion, they are meant to be felt and moved through. If you push it away, deny the feeling or try to distract yourself (with shopping, sex, booze, staying busy) that feeling is going to persist only to get bigger and bigger and be more of a challenge to work through at a later date. Create a safe space to feel this, perhaps you crawl under a cozy blanket, light a candle, play soft music and let it happen, let it flow. You will be ok, remember the more you feel it, the more you heal it. If you are needing some tips on the somatics of emotions - please message me as this was part of training becoming a Coach.
Take the time to be alone. Do not get into another relationship to mask the pain you are feeling. This will not end the grief, it will only put it on hold and you will end up hurting people that you get involved with, or you’ll end up in another recycled toxic relational pattern. Resist the temptation and remain grounded in your healing journey so you can then build relationships from love and abundance, not fear and lack. Remember everything is energy. We want to create from the inside out.
Create your emotional support team. Whoever this may consist of, a family member, a good friend, a trusted confidante, a therapist. Build it, and build it well. Some suggestions;
You need a hype person to build you up when you feel like shit.
An empathetic, compassionate person to listen when things are heavy.
You need a person who inspires you to keep moving towards your dream.
You need a therapist to clean up your side of the street.
It’s helpful to lean on someone who has also been through what you’re currently going through.
It's helpful to tap into all resources you can, books, online resources, coach's, and support groups that share similar values as you.
Ask for help, yikes! lol, yes, I said it! And, I also understand that this can be the hardest thing to do especially for women who have conditioned themselves to be the strong one, the one who doesn't need help, the go getters, corporate leaders and do it yourselfers. But, you are not immune to this pain, when you notice yourself getting lost in depression, resentment or anxiety asking for help can save you from going down a negative path that you may have a hard time coming back from. I’ll share more on my journey there at a later date when I’m ready to.
And, my favourite one, connect with your passions and take care of yourself. Give yourself the gift of nourishing food, walks in nature, long bubble baths (dudes too if you’re still with me 😉 take a toy boat in the bath with you 😂 — if you didn’t get that reference we can’t be friends) anything that makes you feel cared for. Reconnect to your passions and hobbies, maybe you’d like to take a photography class, or join a rec sports team, add these into your life and start filling yourself up, this is the fun part (and sometimes hard part) about being single, you get to date yourself and it really is rewarding!! You might have to take small steps to get out of your comfort zone and **gasp** dine alone, so start small with a morning coffee with a book? Or, a drink on a patio solo. You have to teach yourself how to do it by practicing it and that’s the hardest part! You have to practice and INTENTIONALLY DO IT! Mel Robbins says 5-4-3-2-1, and get up and do it before your brain has a chance to argue.
Remember to honour yourself, and what you've been through. This journey is transforming you, let it. You are tearing down a old house and rebuilding a new one, built on a stronger foundation. Explore yourself and what you want your life to encompass, discover who you are at a soul level, start establishing new values, more powerful beliefs, newer more vibrant dreams.
If you have resonated with this post and have been looking for support getting to the next version of you take this as a sign to reach out and we can chat about how I can best assist you in reaching your goals. Book a call under the contact section.